


Not on My Own

by Fangirlinit



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-05 07:57:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6696427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlinit/pseuds/Fangirlinit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been weeks since Astra’s awakening. She finds redemption by helping Kara and the DEO circumvent the Kryptonian plot for world domination. Even after this, Astra finds it hard to fit into society. She’s temporarily lost her powers and struggles against the numbness. Hopeless, she seeks solace and companionship in Alex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Astra had been raised from the dead only to turn her back on them. Blood turned out to be stronger than brotherhood. Betrayal like that sealed her fate, they said. She was better off as a corpse.

The threat held no water. In the beginning, after the demise of their general, it became chaos. Non barely kept them together and his death only made things worse. Fractured and leaderless, the Kryptonians went down one by one – some slain in battle, others captured to live the rest of their lives in a cell.

The reality that they had escaped one prison only to be dragged to another rendered them weak to the DEO’s attacks. Long before their general returned to the arena Earth had been made a battleground. The combination of Kryptonian muscle and Lord Technology scorched the skies and razed cities to the ground. It began to resemble their home planet. All they had lost, all they had fought for… It was like reliving a nightmare. And they couldn’t wake up even if they tried.

Suddenly, the fight didn’t seem worth it. They still aspired. How could they not with the mistakes of their forefathers bearing on them? But holding sway over the ignorant, deciding what lied in their best interests, and reaping the benefits now seemed outside their grasp.

They needed direction. They needed guidance. They needed a place in this world swiftly crumbling.

When the time came to play their ace there was no question. Astra, returned through a complex medical process unheard of to humankind, would wipe out the opposition.

There was no reason to question her loyalties. She had been their voice, calling for reason in an unreasonable time. She had been their strength, fighting for autonomy when it had been wrested unjustly from their fingertips. With the ambition and dignity of House Ze on their side there should not have been reason to fear defeat.

Astra had been their last hope and she failed them. And for what? For the family that deserted her, sentenced her to life in prison?

There was no question now. If ever there was a Kryptonian to elude the DEO, they would come for her. Any surviving son or daughter of Krypton would make it their destiny. Astra In-Ze would be made to go hand in hand with Death. This time for good.


	2. Elusive Powers

Alex hovered over her kitchen sink with a carton of takeout. She wore a vacant expression as she ate, not really thinking about anything in particular like the thorn in her chest or the soy slathered noodle stuck to her chin. Just staring off into the void that happened to be drywall.

Chopsticks in, chopsticks out, lingering before a chewing, ravenous trap. That’s how it went these nights between saving Kara, avoiding Mom, and ramming Maxwell Lord’s face into a solid surface. It was all starting to get repetitive, like she was going through the motions. Even defacing Max’s ego didn’t give her its usual pleasure.

Alex’s job had always been a complex one but she could always rely on the fact that it was an unusual one. As a child, growing up with two highly secretive parents, she never saw herself having a normal nine to five work life. She wanted to _do_ something, to achieve great impossible feats that would make her father proud. It’s part of the reason why she found herself employed with the DEO.

Her career was Kara. Protecting her, learning from her, was her job and her privilege. It was not normal by any standards. It went beyond even government standards. Defending her sister and exploring her potential was a 24/7 gig. And it did not come without the added perk of being defended in return. Alex and Kara relied on one another to anticipate each other’s moves. Alex saving Kara in the worst of scraps was why she put up with the bureaucracy of secret government organizations.

Saving J’onn, though, happened to be the reason that Alex was scarfing down Chinese alone and hugging the sink like a burglar was going to steal her noodles.

The points of Alex’s chopsticks struck the bottom of her carton with a _plunk_ and scrapped the last bean sprouts up the side and into her mouth. She chewed methodically with eyes squinting at white paint. The back of her hand sopped up the sauce from her chin as she mindlessly vacuumed up thoughts. Like cleaning house. Like wiping the slate at the end of a long day.

The day had dragged on like any other. Discussing reparations to Lord Tech and the DEO’s refusing them repeatedly. Then turning around and spying on Maxwell to ensure his cooperation.

There was also the monitoring of backlash from UN sanctions on alien rights and their coalescence with society. In addition, clean up efforts were led by a top authority on the subject – ironically, one who happened to be the root cause of the city’s near eradication as well as its saving grace.

Kara’s job hadn’t changed much as peace officer to New National City. As the symbol of truth, justice, and the American way, she occasionally teamed up with her cousin in taking down the more dogged terrorists. She continued to keep up appearances at CatCo and even saved time for friends and laughter and late night sitcoms.

Alex served as an advisor in matters of alien (i.e. Kryptonian) genetics. Scientists from all over the world looked to her expertise to answer the very first questions relating to Earth’s new residents. With the Kryptonian threat extinguished, alien beings came out of hiding. These included the exiled, the homeless, the lost looking to start over in a safe, new world. While some could be described as benevolent, others were estranged from any kind bone in their body, which entitled Alex to some time on the battlefield.

Some days Alex came home with scraps and bruises. Other days she suffered eyestrain and bleeding ears after taking bullshit inquiries from Dr. What’s His Name. Why the hell does he care about the internal organs of Kryptonians? How is that humankind’s business? And how would Alex know? She’s only ever bothered with the external features and supernatural abilities. It’s not like she’s opened Kara up. Even if she had the stomach to, she couldn’t, not without a Kryptonian scalpel.

This particular night left Alex desperate for distraction. Between bandaging the paper cuts and popping some aspirin, she called in her usual delivery order. She awaited steamed wontons with baited breath like any world-weary, working adult. These last few hours encompassed the normal part of her night. Alex, who had never dreamed of average, now sighed with relief at the thought.

A rushed, thoughtless supper would thereafter be washed down with a glass of red and a few lines of a novel (if she could actually concentrate on the words). That was Alex’s life now. Protecting Kara, studying Kara, making peace with no regard for the holes in her relationships or the soy blemish on her jaw.

All that monotony came to a head when a knock sounded. It was ten o’clock on a Wednesday. She was expecting no visitors and the usual suspects certainly didn’t bother with doors.

Alex froze in the soft light of the overhead kitchen light. She eyed the front door, set her carton in the sink, and brushed her hands off needlessly. Her feet padded across the floor towards her workbag. She didn’t think twice about reaching for the sidearm. One couldn’t be too careful these days.

It only took one look through the peephole to persuade her. Very few people in the world could lower her guard as this one did.

With a sigh, Alex put her Glock away and dragged the door’s chain off its lock. She swung open the door and spoke, lazy tone dragging like her night. “Do I need to swap these pajamas for a bulletproof vest or is this a rare social call?”

Astra’s eyes were wide and searching. They swung left, right, above, below.

“Do you have company?” She gripped either side of the door’s frame and scanned the interior of Alex’s apartment.

Alex’s gaze dropped to the heaving chest. Her expertise in body language and Kryptonian biology told her this alien couldn’t possibly be winded from three flights.

“Of course not,” she replied and subsequently frowned at her choice of words. Astra didn’t seem to dwell on it. “Are you alright?”

“I took the stairs,” Astra breathed.

“I know –“ Alex’s train of thought screeched to a halt. “Wait, what did you say? _Stairs_?” Her head tilted, a bit appalled. “What’s wrong with my window? Not that I’m condoning a repeat of last week’s breaking and entering.”

“Kara is allowed a free pass, so why not I?” Astra paused to fold her arms over her chest testily. “And last time I checked windows do not have feelings.”

“Well Kara does and she’ll throw a fit if you’re sick or injured. And you can bet she’ll hear it from me if you don’t explain why you’re using a door.”

Astra ground her teeth like she was questioning her presence there. When she finally made peace with it she answered without pause. “Flying is a much more fitting means of transportation, yes, however it doesn’t do much good when it’s not within my power.”

Alex gaped. “You can’t fly?”

“Or use heat vision or punch through a wall or any number of valuable abilities.”

“Okay, well… Have you contracted any illnesses? Been feeling dizzy, fatigued, nauseous? Anything out of the ordinary?”

“I cannot acquire Earth diseases. That’s what you told me.”

“I’m just being thorough. With what we know of Kryptonian immunology, I suppose whatever is blocking your access to strength, speed, flight what have you must be psychological. Daily stressors can weaken a human’s ability to battle a cold, but with your kind that doesn’t seem to be a problem. But that’s just the body. What about the mind? It could be more susceptible to your anxiety, your distress, and… maybe, perhaps definitely, your temper.” Alex took a deep breath, clutching her forehead at the surge of ideas flooding in. “I can run tests, of course, to substantiate my theory. I’d need to check your corticosteroid levels and determine if they’re cutting off certain receptors to your brain. It’s possible –“

“Alex!”

“What?!” Annoyed, Alex resurfaced from her little world of science. She must have been too caught up not to notice the wild motion of Astra’s hands. Not much could snap her out of a classic Alex Danvers Diatribe. “I’m trying to help here. You came to me, remember?”

“Stop analyzing me, Alex. Just… use words that don’t require a PhD in molecular biology. _Talk_ to me.”

Alex was hearing more than _talk to me_. Much more than she bargained for. It didn’t exactly comfort her to know someone as sure as Astra needed anyone, but the level of anxiety on display encouraged her to take a different approach.

The muscles around Alex’s jaw loosened, making her seem less perturbed in a scientific capacity and more in compassion.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She rubbed the back of her neck, a day’s worth of fatigue bearing down, and waved to the living room. “Come in and sit down.”

It wasn’t the first time but it didn’t happen often enough for a sense of ease to spring forth. Astra only ever visited if the world was ending (again) or it involved a kitchen emergency. Kara would claim that with a Kryptonian involved, what’s the difference?

Alex didn’t appreciate the world-on-fire-visits, especially when kidnapping was involved. Astra just broke too many windows for it to be deemed rescue.

The times Alex actually welcomed an invasion came in the form of a haggard woman hovering through the window. She could never resist a laugh at Astra who would hold up an appliance door handle (sans appliance) and who looked much too embarrassed to solicit the advice of a young woman whom she used to sing lullabies to.

Come to think of it, they hadn’t seen each other anywhere outside this apartment lately. Astra couldn’t attend deliberations at DEO headquarters because wounds like that didn’t heal fast. Alex couldn’t commit a foot over Kara’s threshold for the same reason, wounds and all.

The wood floors creaked underfoot. Alex’s gaze followed Astra through the living room. She wondered over Astra’s choices. Why seek out a human doctor and not her own kind? Why shouldn’t Kara have these answers?

Such questions led to other more imprudent ones. The one unbreakable bond they shared was Kara. If they possessed the same love for this one person shouldn’t that snuff the awkward from these visits? Shouldn’t it make Alex more than a work associate and part-time electrician?

Alex didn’t ask and she never let it keep her up at night. Her relationship with Astra wasn’t the only one that needed mending.

Astra went to sit on the long sofa. She was there for nearly a minute, palms scrubbing her thighs listlessly before rising up. If she were in tune with her abilities, the restless pacing would have worn out the wood floors. It was just one less crisis to worry about.

“You’re scaring me,” Alex said. Her eyes roved with their target, back and forth, back and forth. “Can you please stop doing that?”

“ _I’m_ scaring _you_?” Astra guffawed, shaking her head, not breaking stride. She ran her hand through her hair and muttered idly, “ _I’m_ scaring _you_?”

When Alex had wished for distraction this was not what she had in mind. When she strived for a little fresh air in her life she didn’t mean for a Kryptonian with performance issues to show up… on her _doorstep_.

Jokes aside, this woman clearly on the verge of a nervous breakdown scared Alex. Not two months ago Astra came back to the living, betrayed her life’s work, and helped imprison the men and women whom she served with in Fort Rozz.

In the aftermath of it all she was knocked completely off her axis. And now she had lost her abilities, the crutch she used to set herself apart from the ignorance of Earthlings. Her emotions were so tangled, her needs so obscure, she couldn’t even fly to Alex’s window. She had to come knocking at her door like a normal, subhuman being. That had to have been a difficult pill to swallow.

Being the headstrong woman that she was, Astra must have exhausted all other options before resorting to something as inferior as stairs. No wonder she looked so unhinged. She was pacing like a caged, declawed tiger.

Alex assessed the situation with a far off look. “This is serious. And I don’t mean broken-toaster-serious.”

“I hope that is not a joke at my expense because I am in no mood. My powers may be blocked but I can still do damage.”

“Yeah, you can try,” Alex let slip from the corner of her mouth. This wasn’t getting them anywhere. If she was going to help Astra she had to get her talking. “Let’s state the obvious here: you’re angry and unhappy. What triggered that?” Alex crossed her arms and waited, realizing how similar this was to pulling teeth. “Was it J’onn? Did you two have another disagreement?”

Astra’s boot heels scrapped to a halt. She let a sigh and cocked her head at Alex. “When do we not agree on something? No, it’s not the Martian.”

Pacing resumed.

“Okaaay. What about Kara? Did she erase another Homeland episode off the DVR?”

“Winn has showed me how to access previous seasons on the computer. It’s not that, however, I will never again entrust my DVR password to my darling niece.”

What other explanation remained? Alex checked off all the people who Astra interacted with on a daily basis. It was a short list that encompassed herself, Kara, J’onn, and Winn (whom Astra struck up an unlikely friendship with and depended on for all her technical needs). That left…

“This isn’t about your task force, is it? You volunteered for the position and verbally threatened anyone who so much as considered lead. I thought you liked managing the clean up effort?”

“I did. I do. My team happens to care very much about the environmental impact on New National City. We share a common vision and, what’s more, they do not second-guess my motives in repairing the damages Project Myriad has reaped.”

“Then what could have possibly put you in this condition?”

Wisps of Astra’s hair flew back as her pacing picked up speed. Her hands clenched, repressing an impulse.

Alex shuffled in her warm, fuzzy socks and shot her eyes to the ceiling. “Can we get to the point please? It’s late and I was not prepped for this interrogation.”

Astra made a sudden grab for her shoulders. “I don’t know who I am!”

Alex’s eyes went wide, startled by the speed and grip despite Astra’s initial loss of them. Her strength was something human and indicative of a long suppressed feeling. Whatever it was, it begged for understanding and was more emotional than a Kryptonian would deem acceptable.

This sudden release posed danger – as evidenced by the force being used on Alex – but was also changeable. The moment Alex stiffened, the fire in Astra’s eyes receded, as did her grip.

“I’m not a general. I’m not a soldier. I’ve lost my people, my planet, and our entire way of life. What do I have left?”

“Family,” Alex answered. She stared hard into the hopeless face that wept mascara. “It’s why you couldn’t kill me and you had plenty of chances to do it. Kara, too. You were a good person before and you have not lost that.”

“Family,” Astra echoed with a far away voice. “Do you love me, Alex?”

The foreign expression on Astra’s face caused Alex to pause. A subtle ray of hope shined through, like Astra was considering something she would have normally scorned, like she was desperate to hold on to as silly a concept as humanity. It seemed to work for Kara. Why not her? She could love like them. She didn’t have a choice, really. Earth was the only home she had. Their way of life was now hers whether she liked it or not.

What could Alex say? Non was dead. Alura too. Astra had no one left but Kara and _that_ relationship remained on thin ice. It didn’t matter how Alex felt about the answer. After all, she had to give what Astra needed to hear.

It just couldn’t come through Alex. For some reason it lodged in her throat, unable to do any good. The ironic part of all this was Alex _did_ want to help. She really did. She had so much to make up for and this was the perfect place to start. Yet, to use an unscientific phrase, she chickened out.

“You should go to Kara.” Alex gathered the hands in hers and squeezed as an afterthought. “She’s the one you should be with right now. She can help you.”

“No, I came _here_.”

Astra wouldn’t let her go. She had Alex’s hands and would not let her go.

“Do you love me?” Astra asked. “This isn’t molecular biology, Alex. It’s a question of your opinion towards me. I’m not asking if you are in love with me. I’m asking if you love me. It can be innocent.”

She didn’t beg this time. She prodded Alex with a stick to the ribs as if to see just what was in there. She was arguing. Alex could argue.

“No, it’s not,” Alex shot back. “It’s a baseless question that has nothing to do with you losing your powers.”

This was getting weird. She felt hot – flushed in the face hot – and could not determine the source: anger from being provoked, stress from the long day, or embarrassment due to the feelings at her disposal. Why did it seem as if the floor was shifting? Was she perspiring? Her forehead felt heavy with copious amounts of sweat and tension and… Could this be the start of a panic attack?

Alex took a step back, exhaling. Her mind raced with memories of gestures, physical contact, and words exchanged. Had it all been platonic? Or was there some trace of lust hidden in that hand graze? A possessiveness in a tone when defending the past? Was there indeed love behind their instinct to take bullets and knives for each other?

“And a firm approach to ignoring what is right in front of you?”

“What?” Alex snapped back to reality to find a very beautifully cocked eyebrow.

“Don’t you ever wonder why this is the first place I come to whenever there is a crisis?” Astra asked. A furrow marred the space between her brows. “I’ve inexplicably lost my abilities and suffered the humiliation of climbing stairs to seek your counsel. Yours not Kara’s. The _least_ you could do is meet my eyes.”

The room closed around Alex. This would not do. She didn’t need this right now. Kara would not respond to her texts with more than two words, the room was spinning, and the lo mein was making cartwheels in her stomach. To top it off, she had Astra in front of her – maybe, possibly – staking a claim.

She needed space to breathe, to think. _Yesterday_.

Alex exhaled, and spread her hands out as if to warn, _That’s it. I’m done_ , and reeled back towards the kitchen. She braced herself over the sink where she had her dinner – her lonely, unceremonious dinner. She chuckled to herself, shaking her head. Maybe if she closed her eyes and waited long enough she’d find herself alone in her apartment. Maybe if she counted to ten the world would stop playing games with her.

Footsteps sounded behind Alex. Her heart jumped in her chest. A curse rumbled from the back of her throat but she swallowed it. Banishing all irrational thought, she whirled around and stopped Astra with a cautioning hand.

“Don’t. Just… stay there. Please.”

Astra did as she was told. Her chin turned down and her eyes stared back in gentle challenge. She waited a moment, offering Alex a chance to throw her out. When she received none, she slinked forward.

Slowly, eyes never wavering from Alex’s, Astra approached. Though she tried to stifle it, a coy smirk graced her lips. It looked easy on her. Taking on the role of predator felt so natural she lacked the slightest falter in her step. She knew what she was doing and what she wanted. She was so sure of herself in that moment that Alex failed to keep up the pretense that everything was fine.

Nothing was in fact fine. This self-assured Astra scared her more than the pacing, powerless Astra of a few minutes ago. Or maybe ‘scared’ was the wrong word. More like weakened. Weakened because the next time Astra made contact with her she felt like an atom enveloped in a star – meager in its presence and thawing at its touch.

The edge of the sink pressed into Alex’s lower back. She went no further as a controlled grip met her waist. It was a test, she knew, and god knew she never failed one.

Alex couldn’t utter a sound, not a warning or an encouragement. She had only to close her eyes to let go. It irked her to her depths to think Astra was getting something out of this. She could feel the smug grin basking on her face. It irked her but it also made her fingers tingle and her breath catch.

The subtle pressure took its time at her hip. Alex thought about the last time this happened: an unapologetic graze before she was swept up into capable arms and flown out of smoldering ash. It lasted mere seconds but it made enough of an impression, apparently, that Alex’s subconscious had filed it away. And she was just remembering it now… with fondness.

A finger inched up, tracing the hem of Alex’s shirt. A sigh caught in her throat. Her lips parted in expectation. With one hand cupping her waist the other went for her arm and drew down her exposed flesh. From there, fingertips grazed in aimless patterns before dipping to the crook of her elbow.

Alex shrieked in surprise and slipped out of the loose embrace. She slapped a hand over her laughter, utterly embarrassed at the juvenile outburst. The only person who knew of her extreme ticklishness was Kara and Alex was sure she made threats on several occasions should little sis spill her secret.

Astra smiled, cheeks aflame.

“Damn it.” Alex strained to contain the giggles. She jabbed a finger to seal her warning. “I said stay there.”

Astra cocked her head and squinted coyly. “I thought you told me to stand over there.”

“Yes, so why can’t you do as you’re told?”

“Because I don’t take orders from you.”

“Just this once, why can’t you?”

The second hand tick of the wall clock crawled on while the unanswered hung in the air. Time grew thin and stretched around them; warped if they could care less.

Astra’s haughty smile turned to flattery as she tracked Alex’s ginger approach. “Because you clearly don’t want me to. And because I think you love me.”

The more that word came into conversation, the more desensitized Alex was to it. Sooner or later she’d have to accept it. If this was a battle of wills, she would surely lose out to an invincible Kryptonian (with or without powers).

“If I’m not a general,” Astra said, uncertainty flashing behind her eyes. “If I’m not a general and I can’t go home… If I can’t save the world and I can’t destroy it, what is left?”

She tilted her head, reaching out, and hovered her hand over Alex. With her thumb she traced the slim arch of an eyebrow. Lips parted, Astra followed her thumb down a cheekbone as she resolved her dilemma in a murmur. “I want to be somebody, but I’d like it – whatever it entails – to be with you. We keep meeting here with nothing to show for it. Do you really want to send me back to my corner?”

Astra emphasized with a stroke of her thumb. Although she meant nothing more by it, an impression had been made. When she drew back her touch imparted a heat that lingered skin deep.

Alex made a snap decision, her fastest one yet. Just as Astra stepped back, she stepped forward. She closed the space in a half stride, clasped Astra’s collar, and brought her back, lips on her own.

The heat returned in full force, spreading across her cheeks, brow, and neck, wherever Astra’s mouth strayed.

“I came seeking guidance and comfort.”

Alex nodded. “I have some professional recommendations, but right now let’s get to the comforting part.”

“I agr –“ Astra’s words were thereafter cut off by another kiss.

Alex was insistent in getting them undressed in record time and in fashionable means. She pressed for speed with accuracy because she wasn’t a fumbling lover. Her hands sought out her own buttons rather than Astra’s with the expectation that they were too proud to allow the other to strip them.

And she did it all without breaking stride. Her lips held firm wherever possible – the corner of a mouth, a jaw, at the juncture between neck and shoulder, and a shuddering hip.

Naked, Alex looked up from where she knelt on the floor. Astra’s leggings pooled at her ankles along with her undergarments. Her hair fell around her shoulders in waves, her eyes were bright, and she never looked so alive. Alex could feel the pressure building in her eyes and nearly wept at the sight.

The image of a general stripped of rank, clothes, and powers, caused for a change of pace. Alex returned to the place that had elicited a reaction and was met with a hitched breath. Alex kissed smooth flesh from hip to breast. She left a red mark on the underside of Astra’s breast, grazing just over the nipple and hurried by a grip to her chin in sealing over a moan.

A kiss and some surrender, that’s all Alex could offer. Giving herself to Astra like this, short of love but with an overabundance of dedication, wouldn’t do anyone any favors in the long-term, but it would do for now. That didn’t mean Alex wouldn’t fret later over how easily she topped Astra in bed.

This was perhaps Astra’s only fixed point in her toppling universe. If Alex was that grounding force, if Alex was her only hope of salvaging her sanity, what kind of life would that mean for Alex? She would always worry about failing Astra. She would always have to watch for the signs of hate and futility that had once crippled her morality.

She could not be responsible for molding this person. She hardly knew the wise woman of Kara’s past. She only saw some marks of a woman who once was kind and carefree and so fiercely protective of her world.

It had to be the near death experience talking of love and sacrifice. Actually, in Astra’s case it was more like an _after_ death experience.

The wind had been knocked out of Alex for a while, but by the time their fingers linked Alex didn’t have think too hard about it. Maybe it was guilt or maybe it was self-preservation; having Astra straddled and pinned to her bed breathed air back into her lungs.

If this was about returning life where life had splintered then Astra wasn’t the only one in need of saving. Alex shared the same void Astra was feeling. She felt a certain twisting in her stomach, an emptiness in character the moment she slid that blade into Astra’s chest.

The heat between their palms collected, making restraint difficult. Alex left Astra’s bare shoulder to suck at the base of her neck. She felt the grip slacken, finger by finger, until Astra’s hands were splayed. Alex never thought she’d see the day Astra surrendered to her. It was so apropos she sucked harder at the pulse point, pulling every agonizingly sensual moan from Astra that she could.

When they needed air they breathed and they did so without burden. When they kissed they did and with plenty of life left in them. Their lips exchanged impatient grunts and breathy whimpers. Their mastery over seducing the inclination rocked back and forth like the swing of a pendulum. Each owned their own unique method: Alex’s anguished zeal and Astra’s need to challenge it with tenderness. Alex always had to make up for lost time just as she was melted down by a nip to her earlobe. It was their push and pull. It only worked because they shared a bond, one that crackled and twined before they even met.

Between the two of them, a wealth of sighs uttered in the night. The bend that was their bond was becoming tested beyond its limits, but it had yet to break.

“I killed you.” Alex’s confusion mounted in their embrace, torrid and unfocused. There was no rhyme or reason to the hands running up her sides. It may distract her from time to time but it didn’t deter her.

“You gave me an honorable death,” Astra spoke between kisses.

The hot breath cascading along Alex’s neck sent her into shivers. She tipped her head back into a moan, offering herself up for more. “I stabbed you in the back – literally.” She frowned, receding from passion into reason. “How is that honorable?”

Astra brought Alex back with a hand to her cheek. “You were protecting an ally. There is no shame in that. I would have done the same.”

If Alex could have frowned any harder she would hardly see from under her brows. She cocked her head. “Oh really?”

“Yes.” Astra stared, unable to determine the cause for confusion. “Doubt is an elusive risk. Why do you let it in?”

“It’s what we humans do,” Alex deflected with a roll of her eyes.

“Don’t be so quick to throw your lot in with an entire race. Just because you were born on Earth does not mean you are Earthling. Habit sets you apart from them.”

Astra paused, eyes falling to the curves bared before her. She ran up and down Alex’s arm in a lazy motion as she continued. “Your unwavering loyalty may cloud your judgment at times, but it is a source of strength I cannot condemn. You stay the course of your own justice no matter the obstacles.” Her smile dripped sarcasm. “And of course there is your excellent hospitality. I know you don’t get _that_ from your sister.”

Wincing, Alex shut her eyes and turned her head away. To shut it out, if only for now, might salvage whatever comfort they were seeking here. If only Astra would just change the subject.

“I… am afraid.”

“Afraid?” The meager confession had Alex’s head turning round. “Because you’ve lost your abilities?”

Astra shook her head. “I’m afraid this isn’t the way your people do things. I’m afraid it may be premature to think I loved you the moment I saw you.”

Alex’s mouth hesitated. “Astra…”

Shaking her head, Astra cupped the back of Alex’s neck. “It’s alright,” she said in haste.

The wide-eyed request beckoned Alex to kiss before she spoke. Words could sting deep. She already penetrated through Astra’s heart – twice, the initial as a well-aimed fist at first sight and the second from a Judas to the back.

Alex perished the thought. She laid over Astra, covering flesh with flesh and roaming hands. They met in a passionate kiss. Alex shuddered from the inside out. Her head filled with curses and curiosities regarding Astra. Everything about this woman from savoring tongue to hunger-crazed mouth nearly killed Alex.

Astra rolled them over so they lay on their sides. She ran a hand down Alex, fingers trailing atop a breast and down the hills and valleys of her ribs. As expected, Alex jumped with a breathy chuckle. It pained her and yet filled her with indescribable joy.

Astra bent over her with amusement in her eyes. Her hair cascaded down as the kiss deepened. Alex moaned, wanting more than she ever thought. She didn’t mind being taken advantage of like this – hand teasing her side and smug lips pulling moans like strong-rooted wildflowers. Alex wasn’t quick to surrender. She would rarely call herself a vocal lover. She kept her passion in check as a rule, stubbornly holding back any sign of her satisfaction. But Astra made it so damn _hard_.

Alex’s mouth dropped open in another moan. The hand covering her breast had moved down with little warning. It lingered, palm splayed on her belly and asking through suggestion.

Grimacing with impatience, Alex shot her hand forward, entangling in Astra’s wild curls and combed them out of the way. She didn’t have time for meek requests. She didn’t want nice. She wanted _now_.

Alex thrust forward, kissing harder and throwing Astra off balance. The bed groaned as their dynamic changed again.

“Do you miss it?” Alex gasped, both curious and haughty. She hovered over Astra, propping herself with a hand on either side of her head. “Not being invincible?”

In a state of half-lidded ecstasy, Astra fumbled for reply. “You forget, I was not always…” Eyes fluttering shut, her mouth dropped open in a mute groan.

Grinning over Astra’s temporary loss of speech, Alex removed her glistening thigh from between spread legs. She leaned in and whispered close to Astra’s ear. “So super?”

Astra closed her fists in Alex’s hair. She whimpered in light of the impossible. “I have never felt so close to home as I do now.”

Krypton, Alex told herself. Krypton, Krypton, Krypton. There was no room left for possibility.

Leading with her hand, Alex returned to slick heat. Together their lungs expanded and shuddered. She dropped her head until her forehead met Astra’s shoulder. She thrust in and out, telling herself she didn’t care how hard. Her moist brow wrinkled against a jumping pulse and she did not ask herself why.

But then suddenly she did.

It wasn’t until she heard her name being called, hail and hearty, that Alex (“Alex… Alex… A- _lex_ ”) opened herself up to it. She told herself how and asked herself why – how she played the oversexed victim of circumstance and why it hurt so much.

When Alex began to get rough and uncoordinated, Astra let her. She had one hand pressed to the headboard and the other clutching the sheets. She knew Alex needed it this way. Even in her fumbling search for meaning in the act, Alex was stunning. Astra couldn’t stop from laying a hand to the hip as it thrust into her. The driving force kept Astra in a state of perpetual rocking, but it never came close to malice.

Astra’s body went taught as her orgasm built within her. She didn’t stop roving her thumb in soft circles. Her thumb on Alex’s hipbone, circling and soothing.

It wasn’t long before Alex felt it, the thumb circling and soothing her. She slowed her movements. She opened her eyes and met the ones gazing back. Her face transformed, eyelids drooping and jaw slackening. The tears came.

Alex pressed the back of her hand to her lips. Instead of stemming their tremble, her hand shook. Unable to see through her tears, she closed her eyes and dropped her chin.

“You’re not crying for my death, are you?” Astra asked as she turned, cheek brushing against the sheet. Her lids fluttered closed as she sighed. She sighed with the unbearable weight of the world. “This isn’t even about you and I.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex choked out. Her hand covered her trembling mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

Buckling with the shame she had carried all those months, Alex tried to hide her face. She tried to shield it from Astra with just a hand, a human hand that could no more withstand the heat of wildfire than it could her failures. And with every tear she drew further and further away.

Like a coffin floating across the galaxy…

Like the parting of sisters…

Astra’s fingers slipped around a wrist and pried it gently from glinting cheeks. Alex’s face may have been a mess but she was a beautiful mess. So beautiful Astra could almost forgive her.

Wordlessly, she guided Alex down to her chest and let instinct run its course. She fingered through the matted hair like she couldn’t comprehend how it helped. The tears subsided. With rattling breaths warming her breast, Astra accepted that this was how the night would end. It did not resemble the life she wanted, but she forfeited her right to live the moment they first exchanged blows.

A gift had been given to her, setting off an unexpected chain reaction. A second chance led her to a person that had been her undoing and yet she saw fit to assert herself in her woes and make the remedy her business.

She had a decision and she made a choice. Alex self-destructed and Astra caught all the pieces. It was as conflicting as lodging a point between ribs.

Drifting off, Astra held on to one last strand of thought. Lids drooping and a consoling touch ebbing, she remembered of her last life how her fingers were cutting off Alex’s pulse. And how in this life she was being lulled to sleep by it.


	3. Brothers and Sisters

“Everywhere man blames nature and fate, yet his fate is mostly but the echo of his character and passions, his mistakes and weaknesses.”

Alex squinted first, then rubbed her eyes with a groan. She could curse Winn for introducing Astra to the wealth of knowledge and drivel that was the world wide web. When she wasn’t supervising her task force, Astra spent hours bathed in the pervasive glow of Wikipedia or a brow furrowed between the pages of a book.

“I know you didn’t get that from Twitter,” Alex said.

She covered her face with the back of her arm. The morning was not early enough to blind her and yet she found herself cowering. A body shifted, causing the mattress to dip. She felt warm breath course across her forehead and allowed herself to relax under it.

Finally, she took the bait and popped open an eye. “What era are you on now?”

Astra smiled meekly. “Classical Greek. Your electronic annals are extensive and highly accessible.”

“What can I say? The classics are inexpensive.”

“And vastly underappreciated. A society that forgets its architects should not reap the benefits of their legacies.”

Stretching an arm above her head, Alex erupted into a great yawn. When she was done, she rolled her eyes behind her sleep worn lids. It was much too early for Democritus and Pre-Socratic maxims, but she wasn’t one to watch humanity get dragged through the mud.

Laying on her side and propping her head up, Alex chastened Astra with a more wakeful expression. “I think you’re being unfair. Passing judgment on an entire planet just because you read a few books?”

“Who else will judge them if not an unbiased outsider? I’m not declaring war. I’m stating an opinion.”

“It’s an awfully cavalier opinion.” Alex sighed, turning back to stare up at the ceiling. She returned to the matter at hand. Contemplating the spoken phrase that roused her from sleep, she extracted a curiosity.

With a turn of her head, Alex met Astra’s gaze with a solemn one of her own. “You think I regret this?”

Astra’s sigh was a weighty one. Propped up against the headboard, she seemed to sink into it with the exhale. She looked down on Alex from above and yet so far below.

“Maybe it is best for everyone that you did. I do not want to ruin things any more than they are.”

“Nothing happened,” Alex pointed out. And yet things had been said last night. Things that touched her and others that weighed heavy on her conscience. “Technically,” she added with a squint.

Astra raised a brow. She lay there, still naked from the hurried undressing the night before and an outright contradiction to “nothing happened.”

She dropped her gaze to Alex’s equally scant dignity. Her nostrils flared as she inhaled. The sudden surge of arousal had her crossing her legs. Astra banished the longing and cleared the lump developing in her throat. Not now. Maybe not ever.

Alex thought about it. Then, voice as gentle as the sheets they lay on, she asked, “What do you regret?”

“A great many things, but not one included hushing you to sleep.”

Expression clouding, Alex blanketed her hand over her eyes. “I can’t believe I broke down like that. I’m sorry. Talk about embarrassing.”

It may very well have been a shameful display – the effort to hide the tears an even poorer one. Astra had spotted the failed attempt from the corner of her eye and took it with a peculiar blinking of the eyes. How could one person lock up those prickly emotions for this long? And with no outlet? Why give up – flood gates wide open – at a time like _this_?

If this was human, Astra didn’t want any part of it. There was something to be said for holding one’s chin up and staring into the vast unknown: the solemn consequences of our actions. On Krypton you were taught to overcome your fears, not let them seep into your skin and contaminate your principles. Because if they did, they turned you into the faceless horror of your nightmares.

But instead of backing out, Astra found herself immobile… and involved. The display of sobs and unattractive hiccups did not make her pity the human race. It made her reach out to it.

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Astra said, returning to the present. “It was not the reaction I was expecting, but it was an honest one. You were in pain.” She cupped the side of Alex’s face. “You still are.”

Alex masked her features with those of a woman trying to control her mistakes. “It’s to be my fate,” she quipped with a grin.

Astra pressed further. “What can I do, Alex?”

A deep chuckle rumbled from Alex. She narrowed her eyes, the corner of her mouth quirking up. “You seemed to have a handle on things last night.”

“I was in similar company,” purred Astra. Without preamble, she slid down in bed and took her morning prize. Their lips met, chaste but with plenty of urgency to continue where _things_ left off. When Astra pulled back it occurred to her how impulsive it was.

“How could I regret this?” Alex posed her question by returning the kiss, mouth open and eager. “Or this?” She then traced an index finger along Astra’s clavicle to her shoulder and punctuated with a kiss. She knew her own power by the subtle shockwaves rippling through Astra (breath quickening, neck arching all on instinct).

Alex made her way up, pressed her lips to a brow, and held them there. She breathed in, filling herself with the quiet stillness of morning. Anything else was too much to bear. Alex closed her eyes, lips brushing a forehead as she murmured, “I don’t want to forget a good thing.”

“You’re looking for solace in all the wrong places.” Astra continued to fill the hollows of Alex’s neck with kisses. “I’m a mistake. Nothing good will come of this.”

“You’re… I don’t know what you are. I really don’t, but if this stops me from feeling like the world’s going to end because of me, then, no, you are not a mistake.”

“That sounds vaguely thoughtful.”

“My brain can’t function at full potential when you’re doing that with your mouth.”

“Doing what?” Astra’s tongue stretched forth and flicked again for good measure.

“Th-thaa-aa.” Alex arched her back, little by little until her nipple filled Astra’s mouth. Her mouth opened in a moan when she came in contact with grazing teeth.

Alex flipped them over so she was straddled atop Astra’s waist. She gripped the headboard for balance because in any second gravity would cease to matter.

Her breath caught at the hot mouth drawing on her breast and the hand smoothing up and down her spine. Both sensations loosened the tension. Astra was unwinding her, one thread by glorious thread. As each one fell, she felt lighter, more confident. It was so fucking good she groaned aloud.

“We should stop,” came muffled against Alex’s stomach.

Alex shook her head blindly, gripping the curls so tight her knuckles turned white. “Please, god, no.”

“But we should…” Astra gasped, despite not giving the slightest sign of following through.

“I don’t see you stopping.”

But when she did, Alex found herself pulling back as well. They caught their breath and got the better of wanton thoughts. It wasn’t easy.

“We need to get past it.”

Alex fought the memory burning into her fingertips. Reigning in her mind was one thing but her body was another. “You think talking will help?”

Astra followed the suggestive look to the hand warming her thigh. She covered it with her own. “As good as this feels…” Astra wet her bottom lip before forcing her eyes up in a show of strength, “… it will not return my abilities or bridge the distance between you and Kara.”

“Well that definitely kills the mood.” Alex sat up and upon witnessing the conflicting expression before her she held up a hand and said, “No, you’re right. I did promise to hear you out.”

“I don’t want this to be just about myself. For weeks I’ve watched Kara ignore texts from you and then snap at anyone who inquires after her mood. It’s been days since I’ve seen you in a room with her and not feel obligated to walk on peanut shells around her.”

“Eggshells,” Alex corrected.

“I can’t stand by much longer while the two of you grow further apart.”

“You may be taking this whole family thing a bit far. Trust me, when you’re in the Danvers family there is no getting out. You’ll realize very quickly that it takes more than super strength to cope with us.”

Astra frowned with all due gravity. “Any suggestions?”

After a beat, Alex admitted with an incline of her head. “A lot of wine.”

Astra grinned from her place in the sheets.

Blushing, Alex chuckled, aware how self-conscious the confession felt in bed with a woman of superior being and birth. Yet Astra’s physiology wouldn’t even allow her the advantage of getting drunk on Thanksgiving. Some coping mechanism wine would be.

Alex, staring off into the sheets, paused to curl a strand of hair behind her ear, “You know, besides Kara I’ve never really had anyone else to confide in. It’s hard to keep all these secrets, but at least I had her. Now with what has happened…”

Astra looked on, feeling in the same isolation that their actions had caused. “Start at the beginning.” She took Alex’s hand and squeezed it.

“We both know that’s not a very good place to start,” Alex defended, eyes growing glassy. “You say you love me, but before last night we never even talked about what I did to you. I took you away from Kara and now I’m paying the price.”

“If you really believe that then we have much to discuss. You owe me your professional opinion, remember?

“Appealing to my guilty conscious.” Alex brushed her nose, sniffing over a laugh. “That’s criminal.”

“Tell me about it.” Astra sat up, not bothering to cover up, and took Alex’s cheek in her hand. The unbidden action contradicted every persona she ever took on: general, terrorist, hero.

Now she was in the grip of a new identity, one she was hesitant to explore. It happened to be a small shard of the women that had stared back in her bedroom mirror on Krypton. But this was now and Astra was not on Krypton. She offered solace not as an aunt or a sister but as a confidant. And every second that passed with her hand on Alex’s drying cheek she thought how jealous she was of this mortal and of her precious ties to a race still living.

“Really. Talk to me, Alex.”

Alex closed her eyes and let her head fall to the side. A hum echoed in her mind. “Okay.”

Astra fought to wince at the banality of that human expression. “Okay?”

Alex nodded, meeting the patient gaze. Suddenly, something caused her pause. “Wait, not like this.” She sprang from the bed and disappeared into her closet. When she returned, she wore a long t-shirt that reached mid-thigh.

Astra may have been naked still but she herself wore a wide smile.

Landing on the bed in her new attire, Alex didn’t notice her bedmate’s amusement until she was all comfortably propped on the end of the bed. They faced each other from opposite ends, knowing they could close the space whenever and however they pleased.

Alex gave herself a once over before shooting back a questioning look. “What?”

The shirt still held Astra intense fascination. “I didn’t realize until now how attracted to you I am. You really are lovely.”

“I thought you said you loved me,” Alex said with a raised brow. It surprised her how it didn’t alarm her to say it or even to supply it with some measure of importance. “You see, there are these fundamentals in human social behavior that we humans follow – some more than others – and there’s a generally accepted order in what we’re doing.” Alex went further by peering from the corner of her eye and explaining, “It’s best to tell a lady she’s smart, awesome, and wonderful _before_ a love confession.”

“That is sound wisdom, Agent Danvers. I wish you to tell me more, and yet I’m afraid I’d be talking out of turn.”

Alex cackled wickedly, enjoying their leveled playing field immensely. “You should be afraid. But I’ll go easy on you, General.”

Astra smiled. It didn’t hurt hearing it come from Alex. It felt a lot like respect, and that’s something she was learning to earn on merit of heart not on the number of superpowers once at her disposal.

“So,” she started gently, stuffing a pillow under her arm. “You were saying about the burden of secrets…”

“Right,” sighed Alex with newly discovered relief. But before she could begin, there came a shattering of glass.

Two men – Kryptonians without a doubt – stood with grim expressions and clenched fists.

Alex started, eyes darting to her gun which lay on the other side of the apartment. Too far. Not enough time.

Two more soldiers flew through the broken window followed by another three. It wasn’t long before there were ten Kryptonians converging on them.

With no regard for her own mortality, Astra leapt in front Alex. She felt the angry grip on her wrist. There would be hell to pay if they survived this. The disapproving woman at her back would make sure of it. But Astra knew all to well. She knew more than anyone in that room that her attempts to protect Alex would be in vain.

The leader of the group, a rugged-featured, middle-aged man whom Astra remembered as a pleasant fellow, approached Alex.

“You are harboring a fugitive,” he spoke in his thin, genial voice. “You are to turn her over to us at once. No harm shall come to you.”

“I’ve heard that before,” Alex growled from over Astra’s shoulder. “And it never ends well for your kind.”

They separated them easily, one to drag Alex back and two for good measure in driving Astra to her knees.

Kneecaps hit hardwood floor with a crack. Steel fingertips dug into both shoulders. Astra bit back a wince.

Not far away, Alex looked on with confliction. Not a few minutes ago she had Astra in her bed, bantering warmly and stirring something with those loose curls framing her face. It angered her to gritting teeth and clenching fists that their moment had been interrupted. It caused her pain to witness Astra succumbing to the power she had lost – and so quickly.

And yet Alex took pride in the woman’s inner strength. Astra was naked, stripped of her abilities, and at the mercy of this commander. Despite all that she held her chin up, defiant to what may be her last breath. This show of persisting dignity – the most human she’d ever seen Astra – had Alex paused in awe.

Astra rolled her shoulders against the restraints. The hands weighed so heavy she grimaced in spite of them. The force being shown on her was a test. She was an experiment, really, to prove just how easily a mortal could break under pressure, how inferior a society they were.

She wouldn’t cave for many reasons, one being her honor. She was not some common citizen. She was born into a noble house and educated at the finest schools. Among other reasons, Astra had, lately, spent enough time amongst humans to believe in their resolve. While they did not possess the stuff of Kryptonian legend, every planet had its unique strengths – be it gravity, culture, or the lion hearts of its inhabitants.

Astra knew of one such heart and she would meet a second death before she made a bad example of it.

“Rahl-Am,” she greeted with a dip of her head.

He returned the bow. “Astra In-Ze.”

“Trespassing on DEO grounds was not one of our methods.”

“I come in this manner because you leave me no other choice. This all would have been more pleasant if you had made wiser relations.”

“And you are the one to deliver judgment? Non must have made you his successor. You would never have shouldered the responsibility otherwise.” Astra lifted her chin higher and locked onto his gaze. “I find it hard to believe that the soft-hearted son of a botanist could live with it.”

As expected, Rahl’s mask shriveled, revealing a flesh and blood Kryptonian. “I do what is necessary for the good of our people. _Our people_ , Astra! Have you so shamelessly forgotten us? What about the abuses we have endured to preserve Krypton’s legacy?”

“It is futile,” Astra argued. “Krypton is destroyed and with it our aspirations. I have chosen to accept this world as my home. It is all we have, Rahl. It may not be Krypton but that doesn’t mean we must make the same example of it.”

Rahl remained motionless. There was something turning inside his mind whether a memory of his past or the tragedy of his present. His eyes then flicked up to those of the two Kryptonians keeping Astra in obeisance – the woman, a grieving widow, and the man, an orphan since the age of six. True Kryptonians who overcame hardship.

When Rahl’s gaze finally landed on Astra, his mouth turned down at its corners. “You are a reckless daughter of Krypton and traitor to your brothers and sisters. The red light of day may never warm my face but I do not betray its memory by basking in any other.” He clasped his arms behind his back, stepped in, and leaned close for Astra alone to hear. “Smiles for you are easy because you never did take to our home. You were just as eager as Non to leave Krypton behind.”

“How dare you!” snarled Astra.

The hands on her shoulders kept her immobile and yet she thrashed all the more. Her chin trembled and her eyes glistened not in response to physical harm but as a result of her pierced heart.

“How dare you question my love! You have no _idea_ what it feels like. You did not know me then, Rahl, the steps I took. I became a criminal for Krypton. I have done harm unto others just so my feet could remain on the ground. I love my home so much I killed for it!”

“And here we find you, content as can be.” Rahl threw his finger in Alex’s direction and said, “You accept this alien. Aligning with these humans is of a crime for which our people have never committed. It is unheard of!”

“They are my family. You knew the value, once, in protecting family.”

“That was before mine betrayed me. I gave you a second chance and you returned the favor by turning your back on us. I will not and cannot allow this disgrace to go unpunished.”

Astra’s teeth snapped shut. She had been at the receiving end of so-called justice. She may still reject Alura’s judgment, but it was vastly more legitimate than what was occurring in her midst.

“You do not have the authority,” she contended.

“I do, however, possess the means.”

Rahl waved one of his men forward. He was given a case which he pried opened. The contents and what he was doing with them could not be seen by Astra or Alex.

The mystery surrounding his means of punishment stilled the two prisoners. Alex’s eyes were darting between Rahl and Astra, heart racing and powerless to do anything. Astra was a different story.

Whatever Rahl had planned caused her stomach to turn. Her lips paled and she began to break out in a sweat. Perhaps she proclaimed her independence from human nature too hastily. Despite having a strong will, the human spirit was not indestructible. It could bleed if pricked and collapse if exhausted long enough.

Human frailty set in like a stone in her gut. Her once mild-mannered brother-in-arms had vanished. In his place stood vengeful authority. An executioner. _Her_ executioner.

“I cannot imagine what it must be like for you.” Rahl spoke in a conversational tone as he fiddled with something in his hands. “To live amongst humans is one thing but to share in their frailties…”

Astra frowned.

“It’s been how long? Nine days without your abilities?”

“How could you know that?” Alex asked.

She scanned the corners and walls. Was her entire apartment bugged? It couldn’t be. She swept it for listening devices on a weekly basis. Unless Astra was in contact with the Kryptonians…

“I can see where your thoughts are going, so I will stop you there. Astra has not communicated her deficiencies to us nor has she turned herself over in good faith. Perhaps if she had, your life would not be at risk as it is now.”

Their eyes met. Alex saw it dawn on her, the overwhelming conflict between not enough time and too much of it. Astra couldn’t feel one over the other because she already said she loved Alex and to take it back would be a betrayal. Spending all those years plotting against the DEO had been wasteful. The time she did have left paid too little a reward for her sacrifices.

Alex’s shoulders slumped. The apology carved into Astra’s face brought on a need in Alex. So many thoughts on her mind and feelings in her chest scrambling to erase the crippling expression. She wanted to go back to bed and sleep just so her eyes could open the next morning and see Astra beside her. She wanted to make up for the misunderstandings dividing her family. Moreover, Alex had a promise to keep and if these men did not die soon she couldn’t lift Astra’s chin and share all her secrets.

“Your disability, Astra, is not a coincidence,” said Rahl. “Before reviving you, we performed a cranial operation to access your brain. A small lead capsule was implanted. This capsule contained an injection of kryptonite but of a different kind – we call it gold kryptonite. I don’t take pleasure in admitting that the procedure was a success.” He paused to measure the realization coming upon Astra.

“How could you know?” she demanded, tipping her head. Her faith in this man now diminished to nothing. “How could you know I would defect?”

“Because my general was once a wise woman. She told me, no matter the odds or the assurances, to always have a failsafe. The implant was my insurance. I can gage the amount of radiation introduced into your blood stream by remote. The small dose in your system had the desired effect.”

“Son of a bitch,” Alex growled. She struggled in her captor’s grip. “And you call humans pathetic. You can’t even fight her on a level playing field!”

Unmoved, Rahl held his intense stare with Astra. “I don’t think the worst of people, but then you took your new life and you placed it in the hands of these pests. You destroyed the hope in me, Astra. You made it possible for me to do what I’m about to do.”

Rahl moved in to flash a palm-sized device before Astra. A small wheel fused to the edge was thumbed.

The result was instantaneous. The entire apartment shook to the inhuman sound. Astra’s shrill scream was a sonic wave that rocked the walls. The pain was indescribable. Every muscle in her body contracted. Veins rose to the surface of her forehead and temples, making prominent their golden contaminant. Her insides were screaming.

Frozen in disbelief, Alex witnessed the power of a radioactive element this world had not seen. She may be a scientist with an insatiable desire for knowledge but the last thing she wanted to know were the effects of the kryptonite flooding Astra’s veins. The poison took control of her nervous system and motor capabilities; her reflexes pulling her spine taught, throwing her head back, and contorting her in positions that did not look the slightest healthy. The screams were nonsensical. If Alex gathered anything from this, death was imminent. The rapid ablation of cells would do that to a Kryptonian.

If Alex didn’t act soon Astra would be beyond saving. Steeling herself, she threw her head back. The soldier’s nose cracked on impact. She didn’t waste any time. Astra sure didn’t have it, so Alex put everything into the kick. The blow met the lateral side of his knee. It gave a sickening crunch, fixed at an odd angle. When he collapsed, he was replaced by two of his team members who apprehended Alex through merciless means.

Astra watched in vain as they twisted Alex’s arms behind her back. The subsequent pop and scream was deafening, but that didn’t seem to stop the highly trained agent. She threw elbows and jabbed for the eyes. She gave it her all but nothing met its mark. Despite her limited options for escape, Alex persisted. Her attempts, though noble, only succeeded in causing her more bruises.

“No!” On her hands and knees, Astra heaved for air. “No,” she coughed. Her swallowing reflex gave out and her throat slammed shut against the convulsions. She struggled for air. The gold kryptonite dissolved the world around her like water stripping fresh paint. It took her ability to negotiate, to fight back, to say how sorry she was. It ripped away her second chance and with it Alex Danvers.

Alex’s squirming earned her a another fist to the abdomen. She clearly didn’t get the memo, if her continued thrashing was anything to go by. The two Kryptonians had no qualms about exerting force. Although their expressions lacked the satisfaction, they used just enough muscle to subdue her without knocking her out. Like a lion playing with a mouse.

When at last Astra could breathe she put every ounce of strength behind the plea. “Alex, _please_ ” Her eyes were shut so tight against the pain she couldn’t know if Alex obeyed. Her ears pricked up to the squeaking of bare feet on the floor and winded grunts. Damn that stubborn woman.

The soldiers grew tired of the human’s antics, so one of them finally knocked her out with a blow to the head. She was out before she ever met the floor.

Astra heard the drop of a body. Through her uncertain field of vision she saw a blurry form sprawled out. She could not trust her eyes to tell her it was hopeless. She did have a feeling though. Feelings were all she had left; chief among them guilt.

They were never so even. They didn’t owe each other anything anymore. Alex killed Astra the first time and now Astra had repaid her.

* * *

Kara stood at the epicenter of death. It stank of it. Even with the gust of wind coming through shattered window, the air still carried with it the scent of burnt flesh.

All around her they lay – motionless piles still sizzling. Nothing moved. Nothing. Like the calm _after_ the storm, it was almost peaceful. It would have been peaceful if it were not for the smell and the bodies of two of her own.

She would not have known to come. Alex wasn’t speaking to her and Kara had made herself unapproachable. All because a wall had been erected between them, a wall built by Kara and her insecurities. Ever since Astra came back, it was hard to know how to look at her sister, to act around her. This was the person who took away her only living relative, her only link to her mother. Astra may be a very fine link, but much underneath that hard exterior resembled Alura.

Eventually, Kara had learned to let go of those feelings the red kryptonite laid bare. They were harmful not just to her but to the people closest to her. It took time. Getting over such deeply seeded fears required so much of it. It also took some encouragement on the part of another soul in rehabilitation.

Astra, a woman looking to move forward and appreciate what destiny had granted her, was a big help. If anyone on Earth understood resentment it was Astra. She listened without judgment and advised with Kara’s best interests in mind. In a way, she was the kind of support Kara had up until recently.

What she couldn’t live with was being so far from Alex. She didn’t know how to function without that strength. She had no one else to turn to, no one, at least, who knew the secret remedy (Game of Thrones and extra cheese pizza). The best Astra could do came in the form of a limp Hot Pocket. That or a few laps around the globe to test who was the fastest.

Making up for lost time with Aunt Astra had been fun while it lasted, but Kara was becoming restless. Alex had stopped trying. No new voicemails, texts, nothing. Not even the usual combination of sad-faced emoticon and pizza slice emoticon.

The past few weeks Kara had taken to nightly flying jaunts. The air had a cool, crisp quality to it that cleansed her skin and cleared her mind. But she did not frequent any random flying zone. There was a particular spot in National City that happened to be directly over Alex’s apartment complex. And after so many days, she could clock Alex’s routine on a stopwatch.

This night, though, of smoking bodies stacked one on top of the other, Kara got a late start. She didn’t wrap up her duties at CatCo until well after the fourteenth rewrite and by the time the article had passed muster she was too exhausted to get her own dinner.

If not for Cat’s impromptu gratitude and enough Chinese takeout to feed the Epsilon System, Kara might have been willing to just Hot Pocket it and crash for the night. But _because_ of Cat’s gratitude and a residual feeling of sisterly obligation, Kara took to the skies. Unlike most nights, this one did not come with the reek of charbroiled Kryptonians.

Kara didn’t flinch when the front door swung open and banged against the wall with a _crack!_ The DEO flooded in, rifles trained on the first assailant spotted. When they realized they came too late, they lowered their weapons.

Kara nodded to the lead squad member, the most anxious of the group. J’onn nodded back.

Numbness ebbing, Kara looked to her sister who hadn’t moved since she got there. Glass crunched under her boots. When she went closer she nearly lost it. The bruises. They peppered Alex’s cheeks and legs like ink blots. Clamping down on a sob, Kara fell to her knees and prodded Alex’s shoulder.

“Alex?”

Kara tried her best to put on a strong face – no tears, just dedication and the symbol her house stood for. She tried to be brave, but the fact was that was Alex’s department – the "brave one" as Astra called her.

Seeing her own sister look so pummeled tore her apart. Something had snapped in her brain and unleashed hell upon those animals. It exhausted the last of her strength and drained all stores of courage.

Alex hadn’t moved. With bated breath, Kara drifted her hand to the neck and searched for a pulse. Please, she thought with eyes falling closed. Please, please, please…

Nothing. She felt absolutely nothing until a shrieking gasp for air cut the tension. Alex shot up from where she lay, nearly banging her head with Kara’s.

“Alex! Oh my god, you’re alive!”

Alex winced to the screech. She touched her bloodied temple and combated the fuzziness around her vision.

Kara was having as rough a time catching her breath. She couldn’t keep up with her racing heart and the sheer joy bursting out of her. Without delay, she plowed in, arms wide, rambling a thousand apologies and promises.

Alex balked in the crushing hug.

“I’m sorry,” Kara repeated. She continued to sway in the hug, bringing a dazed Alex in for the ride. “It’s all my fault. I never wanted this. Please believe me, Alex!”

A broken wheeze prompted Kara to withdraw. She steadied her invalid sister by the shoulders and waited for her to find her voice.

Swallowing hard, Alex shook her head. Her eyes rifled around. There were bodies everywhere, the DEO was checking for survivors, and her apartment had apparently turned into ground zero. When her search landed on a body, limp and so unnaturally pale, she froze.

“No…” she rasped and pointed.

“I’m here for _you_ , Alex.” Kara shook her head and squeezed Alex’s shoulders gently. “I’m so sorry.”

The blank look on Alex did not change when she realized they left that particular body for last. Her expression remained solemn as she witnessed J’onn hover over Astra and cover her nakedness with a blanket.

There was one promise Kara couldn’t make. From the looks of it, it probably would have been Alex’s only hope.

If Kara learned anything about family it was that it was best to hug it out first and deal with the aftermath later. Left with no other option, Kara did just that and when she sensed Alex returning the hug, all the wayward pieces of her heart clicked into place.

It felt good to have those arms around her and that heart beating with her. By the grace of Rao it felt good to have her sister back.


	4. Epilogue

The sound of clashing swords made Alex whirl around. Heart rate jacked, she searched for signs of blood and carnage. A scene of howling red had yet to appear, which put Alex at ease. Although she’d seen it before, she didn’t want to miss Kara’s expression when it happened.

Kara’s face bathed in the television’s glow as she sat enthralled before the fight scene. She was still catching up on the third season of _Game of Thrones_ and there was nothing for Alex to miss, not even the ravenous trap now frozen in mid-bite. Oh Kara.

With a sigh and shake of her head, Alex turned back to the kitchen. Popcorn kernels rolled around the empty bowl in her hand. A refill was in order as well as more pizza for the Bottomless Pit.

Alex hugged the bowl to her side as she reached high into the cupboard. Her fingertips brushed the box but couldn’t find purchase.

“Damn it,” she muttered and rose on the tips of her toes. Where was a Kryptonian when you needed one?

When at last she thought she had a grip, she felt a presence behind her. A hand met the small of her back. Warm breath caused the hairs at the back of her neck to stand up.

“Allow me.”

A long arm stretched up and retrieved the popcorn box with ease.

When Alex turned her head she was within inches of Astra. A shudder went through her at the proximity of those lips and how soon it would be till they were hers again. “Must be nice having those powers back,” she breathed out, lowering herself down and further into the hand on her back.

“We are safe,” Astra indicated with a shake of the popcorn, “for the moment.”

Alex chuckled. “Or until the next alien race claims ownership of the planet.”

“The world is abounding with heroes these days.” Astra slipped her hand through Alex’s hair and gripped the back of her neck, coaxing her near and yet holding off at the last second. “I’m quite happy protecting what’s here.”

Alex’s eyes dropped to parted lips. It wasn’t difficult to calculate how long it’d been since they shared a private moment. That didn’t mean it wasn’t easy to accept. With Kara around 24/7 they hadn’t the time.

“If you’re going to twist my arm.” Breathless, Alex sighed just as her mouth met Astra’s in a crushing kiss. She moaned at the feel of their bodies pressing together. The shock of arousal and passion running through her had no other equal save for adrenaline. Because that’s what it was like with Astra – intense like three rounds in the sparring chamber and kryptonite emitters down to zero.

Their kiss dragged off to soft pecks. The experience left Alex tingling from head to toe and wishing it never went out of style. She wanted everything from shock and awe to spontaneity and titillation.

“To answer your earlier question… Yes.” Alex paused in the time it took to offer a barely there brush of a kiss. All due persistence was rewarded upon Astra, and Alex could tell in the changing expression against her mouth that it was received with pride. When she withdrew she narrowed her eyes with faux menace. “I happen to very much.”

A smile grew on Astra – gradual like the time it took to discover this thing between them. Her arms drew around Alex and she leaned in, lips hungry, to deliver a response that felt a lot like _I told you so._

Even the smallest of moments – during take out runs and in the corners of kitchens – they managed to pick up where they left off. It hadn’t always been ideal, especially with Kara in their midst. They had spent the better part of their recovery marathoning on the sofa while J’onn offered to clean and renovate Alex’s apartment. After the break-in and subsequent heat strike, the place was a disaster and not fit for inhabiting.

Alex was slow to give a Martian an all access pass to decorate her domain until she saw the low budget, floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. J’onn turned out to be a closeted HGTV fan who used refurbishing as a means to overcome the old and adapt to the new. He also knew better than to intrude on girls’ time and was not quick to understand the bonding rituals of females.

Although Kara hadn’t the need to recover from any injuries, she was obliged to keep her sister and aunt well fed and entertained. The company was more than Alex could ask for. She still didn’t feel deserving of forgiveness, but then Kara always had this puppy dog look that was a killer.

They broke apart at the slam of a drink glass meeting its coaster. A joyful squeal and clapping of hands then followed.

“I’m worried about Kara,” Astra said. “She seems overly enthralled by this show; I can’t seem to get her attention.” The crease between her brows became more prominent as she observed her niece. “It’s unhealthy.”

“It’s normal.” Alex confirmed it with a chuckle. “And that’s what we need right now, wouldn’t you say?”

“What we do not need is to drown our day-to-day lives in grease and fabled representations of war and politics.”

Fighting a grin, Alex eyed up the increasingly tense woman. “Do _you_ need attention?”

Astra put her hands on her hips and broadcasted her discontent with a glower. “I thought I made that clear with my approach towards you earlier in the episode. By way of an arm draping the back of a couch…”

“Oh, yeah,” Alex snorted. “Smooth move, there. Try again when there’s not a garbage can between us.”

“If you’re referring to the garbage can currently witnessing that Red Wedding you go on about –“

“Shit!” Alex threw the popcorn bowl at Astra and raced for the squeals.

Brushing herself of buttery kernels, Astra set the bowl aside with a smile. Wails of “What is happening?!” and “Why, George? Why?!” echoed from the living room and for once Astra’s heart didn’t stop.

There hadn’t been a break in or call to arms in weeks. There was no reason to worry anymore about vengeful Kryptonians because they were either dead, imprisoned, or reformed. The likes of Astra and the handful who had “seen the light” reached diplomatic terms with the DEO. No one knew how long this period of peace and goodwill towards humanity would last.

Astra had learned not to waste precious time. There were mouths to feed and if flung dishware was anything to go by, she had been tasked with providing more popcorn.

“Astra!”

The warning tone in Alex’s voice drew Astra to the figure rocking back and forth in a fetal position. Kara’s low whining made her sound like a wounded animal in need of hugs. And food. Lots and lots of food.

“Yes,” Astra sang with a roll of her eyes, “coming.”

She goes not for honor or in the attempt to make amends. She’s experienced shame upon her house and the rise and fall of her command. Kara might not be experiencing those things at the moment but she appeared to be suffering profoundly.

If Astra knew suffering she knew Kara wouldn’t want to be alone (nor Alex by virtue of this embarrassing display of secondhand grief). And they didn’t have to be. Because when it came to family, no one was on their own.


End file.
